Prompt: Complicated+MTS: His Last Days

Prompt: Complicated

MTS- My Trending Storieshttps://mytrendingstories.com/profile/lisa-maria/

Webster’s Dictionary defines complicated as “difficult to analyze, understand, or explain.” Life is complicated. When you’re a little kid though, life wasn’t all that complicated. All the worries and stress are at a distance as you roll down a hill laughing, run with the wind, soar like you’re flying through the sky, etc. As you grow older, reality hits you. You see more and more things clearly. You watch the ones you love suffer in pain and lose them after the storm. You question everything. You question God. Why does He take away the ones you love? So many questions lead to answers that leave more questions, which are best left unanswered. Life’s complicated. We stray from the path we used to follow- a path of hopes of tomorrow- a path of love- only to find ourselves lost in anguish and destruction. Some can turn back, others are lost for good.

My mind wanders memories of my Dad who passed away last March. Within those memories, I remember the past two years my Dad used to say he wanted to spend his last days in the forest. I wonder why for I couldn’t fathom anyone living in a forest, especially on their last days. Then I see pictures of forest, hear sounds of nature’s songs and realize maybe that’s why. The forest can be many things- adventurous, dangerous, dark, scary, etc. Among the many descriptions, the forest can also be calming and peaceful.

During my Dad’s last days, I wonder if he did visit a forest. When he had moments of sleep, did he dream of walking with God through the trails? Did he sit beside a tree and hear the birds sing? Did he feel lonely? Did he feel safe?

On his last days, I remember turning on the television. He said I could flip through the channels and so I did. Channel after channel I surfed until I found some images of flowers and nature’s beauty pictured on the screen. Dad saw it and he smiled when I told him he used to say he wanted to spend his last days in the forest. I didn’t know it was really his last days. But I’m glad it made him smile to see those.

Trying to clean my room, as always I became distracted. Throwing away papers, I found a notebook. Flipping through pages, I saw a poem, which reminded me of my Dad. I know he was the reason why I sat down and found an image of a forest. I know he was the reason behind this poem. I don’t remember writing it. I don’t remember which image I looked at while writing it. But something about the forest and Dad saying he wanted to spend his last days there moved me. Something about it made me get lost in that picture enough to write this poem. According to the date and time, I wrote this poem at midnight on January 14, 2016. You would think I would remember considering it was written this year. But I don’t. The poem itself is written in another post; however, I will add it onto this one as well.

Dear God,
oh, how I wish,
I wish to be lost in a forest.
The many shades of green
and sounds of water streams.
Birds chirp a tune,
at night, campfires fume,
a peaceful walk through its trails,
calming my awakened stress.
Forest, God bless.
Sending serenity
with an owls hoot,
night time crickets,
a morning sun
to awaken the hearts.
How do I fall out of love
with a sight like that?
A melody sung
while adventures begun.
What journeys do these high trees bring?
Where does the wind blow me?
What do the animals ring?
Is there a new beginning
somewhere deep in a forest?

*peace&God Bless*
Lisa Maria

Fund Me

Hello everyone. WAIT! Before you click the “x” button thinking this is just a blog asking for money, DON’T. I’m not asking You for money. I’m asking myself 🙂 Some of your heads are probably circuiting thinking, “Oh, how dumb” (“x”). Go ahead if you like. But I find it rather interesting and might help me.

Why would creating a fund for myself help me? The only money I’ll be making is whatever comes my paycheck (and if lucky, other options). What good does it do, then? Well, I was researching on Google ways to stop shopping. You see, I have a problem- more specifically, a spending problem. Shopping! If shopping could have a lawsuit, I bet it would be sued for stealing money. Okay, I’ll stop.

Yes, many of us have this problem. I’m not the only one. Knowing that makes me a little better. But knowing others can overcome this problem and save up while I’m drowning myself, still, in money problems makes me irritated. Not with you. Definitely not with you. This is not your fault, but my own. I’m irritated, annoyed with myself. Why can’t I just say, “No”? JUST SAY “NO”! Really? How so easy….

But no, it’s not so easy. Shopping you are so cruel… maybe it’s money that’s so cruel? Material objects only suffice for couple seconds, minutes, hours, etc., so why do I go for it more, especially during my stressful moments.

I’ve read online making goals helps the increase spending. Budgeting supposedly does, too. I fail at both. I know what you’re thinking, “Sucks to be you”, right? That or, “You’re not trying hard enough”. “Are you sure you did it right?” Any of these ringing in your mind? It’s okay. Be honest. I’ll live.

So what is this funding? Well, I scanned the website a little for some inspiration on saving money and stop spending habits. I found this, but I didn’t read any further. I let my mind wander on it.

Here’s my question to myself and you: What is it you want most? What are your goals? What do you want to achieve?
In my journal I wrote some, like maybe three or four very important goals- to publish a book, travel, buy a new car, pay off credit card, and start an Etsy shop (selling crocheted baby blankets). I know that’s more than three or four. You can come with many more if you want. What matters most is the list you come up with should mean something to you. Should spark an interest and motivate you, get you thinking, “Wow, all this does need money. I really do need to start saving.”

That’s my problem, you see. I am not motivated in saving. Saving for what? I had no goals in mind. Some of these goals, I’ll admit, were just added because sometime in the future I’ll eventually have to save for it. For instance, buy a new car. I’m satisfied with my car I have. A blue 2006 Toyota Corolla that’s been with me since I was 17.5. My Dad and the Driving teacher both taught me driving in it. I wasn’t comfortable with the Driver’s car, so he allowed me to use the one my parents purchased. It’s been with me through minor and major car crashes. It’s still running. I’m satisfied. But I should still think of a new car because this car will eventually lose its life or be a total loss someday. If my car died today, completely died today, would I be ready? No. What about tomorrow? Absolutely no. I wouldn’t be ready at all this year. That’s why it’s so important to start saving now. I think my head is in agreement. Hopefully.

Okay, so you made your list. It’s a list made for you. The fact is, I needed to change my mindset. I believe this is the way. Most website I find tells about budgeting. Yes, budgeting is great. I’ve tried it. Envelope budgeting was something interesting. But even that failed. Writing on paper like my Dad constantly told me I needed to do- yup, you guessed it! FAILED. I’m a total complete failure. But what if there’s something more I needed?

If you would tell me I need to save money I’d nod my head and say okay. But would I really believe it? You’d tell me it’s for my future. Okay, hold up. Stop right there! That’s the biggest problem. Automatically, my head will ask, “What future?” Get it? I don’t see a future for me. Yes, I am here in this world. Therefore, I should see a future. But I don’t. I’m just passing by with the time ticking my life away. I don’t know what I want to be. My career sucks considering I have a Bachelors degree already and am working for $8.25/hour. My friends and family keep talking about how I should be making more money and how I should go back to school for another better degree. I don’t have any desire in going back to college unless I’m set on a degree because right now, I don’t even know who me is. My interest constantly changes. That’s the problem I had even attending an expensive private college. I suck. Like I said a complete failure.

It’s only this year I have found a desire in bringing out my passion. Letting it flow and see where it goes. Will it drown in an ocean? Will it get swallowed by a whale? Or will it swim to shore? Who knows! That’s life. One thing I know is I love hands-on activities. I love creating things. My Dad used to watch me crocheting. He’d be amazed at my focus level when creating a crochet project. I’ll admit, not all crochet projects keep my focus. There are only a few designs that I will stay focused on. And coming from a girl who lacks focus or has trouble keeping it, that’s something to think about. So that’s one thing that makes me. What else?

Another that makes me me is writing. Since I was little writing has been my best friend. I haven’t been nice to my friend. I’ve taken it for granted. Writing. God’s greatest gift he could give me. I’m grateful for this gift. However, sometimes it’s just so hard to find the words or phrases. So, I give up. That or I’m too lazy to sit down and take the time to write. Back in college, I had some paper assignments that I couldn’t do. Why? Because a flood of poetic words spun around my mind. I was going crazy! I told my Dad this on the phone. He told me to spend one hour. One hour. That’s all Jesus asked His disciples when they fell asleep as he prayed, “Will you not spend one hour with me?” Right? If this is wrong one, please let me know. This is from my memory, so I could have the stories mixed up. Either way, he did ask that question. And that’s something writing was asking me. Writing for me is spending time with God. Therefore, if writing is asking, “Will you not spend an hour with me?” Maybe God was too. Spending that one hour hour or even just couple minutes helped me. All those words emptied my mind so that I could spare some time on other school-related homework. Therefore, writing is definitely something a part of me that I could not and should not ever give up. No matter how difficult writing can get. I need to break down the walls and face whatever obstacles there may be.

Etsy is another, but like my mom says, “I have all the ideas, but I don’t follow through.” In my head, I’m thinking of what kind of themed-blankets I can make. My face brightens as all the ideas form. Then glooms when I wonder how much yarn it would take. Why the gloomy face? Money. It’s all because of money. You’re probably thinking, “Yup, it’s always the money.” This world revolves around money. If I were to make baby blankets, I’d need money. But I spent so much and have bills so high to pay off, I dug a deep hole that buried all my dreams in. There’s no way to dig them out until I pay the past, learn and move on without setting the same trap. I’ve done the same thing before. I set a trap I can’t get out of.

Okay, so those are my goals in detailed form. So, what’s next. Well, obviously I need the money. With a paycheck of $8.50/hour, work hours 7.5+/-, bills that are high to pay off, and past credit cards and paypal to pay off, how can I expect to save anything? I could easily ask for a loan. But who would want to help pay for a mistake that is not theirs? Who would want to help pay off a stupid mistake? No one. I have to work with the budget I have. I have to set my mind in not spending. Find other ways to get my mind off that bad habit. After all, just say “NO” is not enough for everyone. I have to find reasons why and remind myself of what makes me me and follow through on those passions and goals. That’s what I need to do. I can’t just make a list of spending and see where I can cut back. I can’t just use the envelope technique. I need more! I need reasons. I need to believe in those reasons. I need something to motivate me and in the long run keep my motivation.

Yes, you may still have to budget just to find how much money you have left when all your bills and things are paid. That way you have a sense of how much leftover you have. That leftover, rather than saving it in your account, tell yourself, “These are my goals. This is what I need to save up for. I need this to better myself, make me happy. This is a part of who I am.” Find any reasons. Talk through until you believe it and remain focused on it. If you find yourself wanting to spend more, do the process at that time. Focus your mind on your intentions that make you you. You may love makeup. I shop for makeup. But ask yourself do you have makeup? List what makeups you have. If your mind is saying, “But I don’t have this one…” (pouts). Forget the pout. Look beyond it! Don’t be fooled by the pout!! Ask yourself, “What makes this one product currently wanting so unique?” Wait 24 hours before buying it. Are you still thinking of it? Well is it a shade you may already have? Maybe you can buy it later. Remember, if it’s store purchase, you would have to drive there. Are you willing to waste gas and your time driving? If it’s online, don’t press that button until you give it some time and thought!

Whatever amount that’s leftover from your paychecks, put it away in a savings account. Don’t touch that savings account! I had that problem, too. It’s not for you. You set up a fund. A savings fund. That fund is for your goals, your passions. But it’s not for you. Are you confused? Great! See, if that money is for you, then you can do whatever you want with it. But if you tell yourself it’s not for you, it’s for a purpose, then maybe, just maybe you wouldn’t dare touch it. It’s going to the greater good- the greater YOU! Not you, but the greater you that’s deep inside of you that’s dying to come out. The real you. Not the you that fails at spending. That you has dreams. It has goals. It has a sense of reality. That you doesn’t throw away money. That’s the you that’s trying to come out. And you are creating an account for that you.

I just created my goals today. I am hoping I can follow through on this. I need to start thinking more clearly under a cloudy mind. One day my mom won’t be here to help support me when my money flies away among a flock of birds. My Dad used to tell me he won’t always be around to help me. Therefore, I need to start saving money. It didn’t help those times. But losing him was a bit of an eye opener. What was the greatest eye opener is that I have a dream I want to play out. I want to publish a book with a company and have no money at all saved for it. I don’t know how much I’d have to pay, but still, with all my past debts, would I be able to even afford publishing the book? That’s the biggest eye opener for me. If you’re also failing at saving and budgeting, if you think you are a complete failure, maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re failing goes more deeper. Maybe you need more than just separating money into envelopes and/or writing words and numbers on paper. After all, you have to have a desire that sparks a need for change in you; a spark to reignite the flame inside you to do better. Right?

That’s all I have for now. I am enjoying my few hours of free time before going to work. My current job during the summer, lessens the hours due to the amount of children. I no longer come in from 9:00am-6:00pm, but either 11am-6pm or 1pm-6pm. It’s nice because I’ve been wanting a break from work. This way I’ll have some spare moments during the weekday and still get paid for some hours working. There are pros and cons to it. But really what doesn’t? Hope you all are enjoying your day and if not, it’s almost the weekend!

By the way, my first book I wrote is available on Kindle for preorder. It is in loving memory of my Dad who passed away due to a little of pneumonia, kidney failure, and heart giving up. He overcame so much in his 82 years of living. This year he would have been 83 in July. In celebrating his birthday, I wanted to publish the book on July 8th. This story is a story he used to tell me when I was sick and weak asking him for one before I fell asleep on the main floor couch because I didn’t want to climb upstairs to my room. My original story is less than or equal to 1000 words, but because it’s a kindle ebook, I have expanded it to 3000 words. Not all of this was his exact words. From the story he told, I took some ideas I remembered and ran with it. I am planning one day publishing a printed book; however, currently, it is on preorder on Amazon’s Kindle version. Whatever I sell from this will go in my Savings fund for any and all my future dreams and goals.

I am also planning on working with Dorrance Publishing company in publishing another children’s book. I am currently waiting on illustrations and the pricing. Thank you for your time stopping by and reading my post.

*peace&God Bless*
Lisa

**The Rabbit and Its Tail is now available for preorder. In loving memory of my Dad, it will be available on his birthday- July 8, 2016. Please click and visit: The Rabbit and Its Tail link. More information is posted on my blog as well as on Amazon Kindle.**

Prompt: Companion

Companion–a person or animal with whom one spends a lot of time with or one whom they travel with.

Words when I hear companion:

Friendship

Relationships

Acquaintance

Lovers

Couples

Partners

Animals

Dogs- man’s best friend

Journals

Books

Material objects

Companion:
Dog- a man’s best friend.

Someone who spends time with you.

Your best friend.

The love of your life.

A partner you travel or work with.

Material objects-

For those who love their accessories,

Or even their makeup.

Your most prized possession.

A journal carried everywhere.

A favorite book in all your adventures.

Your brain- daily thinking, daily using.

A breath of fresh air.

The need to breathe is life’s companion.

Companion-

One spends a lot of time with,

Or travels with.

A companion can be someone or something,
It can also be an it-

Google- companion for all information.

Books- companion for all inspirations.

Journals- a companion for all adventures.

Companion

**The Rabbit and Its Tail is now available for preorder. It will be available starting July 8, 2016. Please click and visit: The Rabbit and Its Tail link. More information is posted on my blog as well as on Amazon Kindle.**

Aimless

Aimless she walked among the earth not knowing what surprises were in store. All the people she loved, she watched them leave one by one; some never to see again, others someday may stumble upon. Without looking back she said her goodbyes. Then left to a paradise unknown. She gave up everything. All the luxury she had washed away to the shores of tomorrow.

No maps to guide her. Nothing, but a small bag and God walking beside her. The bag carried her dreams and she was determined to carry them out. Embraced with beauty and mind, she could have been something more- a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, or even a scientist. Instead, she undertook a path of simplicity, a road not often followed hoping to find herself amongst the senseless world.

*peace&God Bless*
Lisa

**The Rabbit and Its Tail is now available for preorder. It will be available starting July 8, 2016. Please click and visit: The Rabbit and Its Tail link. More information is posted on my blog as well as on Amazon Kindle.**

Aimless

Perfection

Stand up.
Stand straight up.
Perfect.
Put your hair back.
No, not like that!
Don’t slouch!
Put on makeup.
Not enough.
More.
More!
No, no, no-
Not so much!
You put too much on.
What society wants,
Society gets!
The media to impress
‘Else rumors be undressed.
Every flaw,
Hide them.
Perfection-
It’s the way to live.
Don’t go beyond the line,
The media will be after you.

Perfection

**The Rabbit and Its Tail is now available for preorder. It will be available starting July 8, 2016. Please click and visit: The Rabbit and Its Tail link. More information is posted on my blog as well as on Amazon Kindle.**

First Book/Father’s Day/What Book Am I Reading?

Hello everyone. How are you?

First of all, my first short story is available on Amazon Kindle for $3.00 USD. It is called, The Rabbit and Its Tail. What started out as less than 1000 words quickly expanded into a 3000 word short story. Some of my friends who had read the shorter version liked it saying there is a deep lesson learned in this story. My main goal for this story was to write a children’s book. However, I find the age range I had first thought differs with the final outcome of the book.

Second, Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there, both in heaven and on earth. Working in a school, I kept being reminded of Father’s Day. I tried locking it out of my head due to my Dad’s passing in March this year, but that didn’t work out. Tomorrow my mom and I will be visiting his grave with live flowers. His tombstone hasn’t arrived yet. They said maybe 2-3 more weeks. Therefore, I am sure it won’t be there tomorrow. Still, my mom said we can bring a vase with water or somehow place the live flowers on his grave. The cemetery where he was buried, they gave us a nice flag to place on his grave site too.

Thirdly, how are all of you? I have been exhausted. I haven’t really been thinking of writing. Today, I did sit down and think of and actually wrote out information on recent favorite lipsticks of mine by Lipstick Queen. I will post it on here. I also had a thought on writing about Jojoba oil. Yesterday, my mind was thinking of a blog post, which sadly, I have forgotten. It was a good one, I thought. A thought provoking one. But it seems I have forgotten it and nothing around me will help bring the idea back.

Are you all enjoying your weekend? For the summer, my new job said they change teachers schedules around. Therefore, I may be working less or more than what I have been. Currently, my schedule has changed until further notice: 11am-5pm. I think this is alright considering I will have some time to work on my writing, crocheting a blanket, and reading. I have been thinking I need a little break. I guess I am getting it by work reducing my hours for the summer.

Has anyone read A Wrinkle In Time??? I’m sure a lot have and will say you’ve read it years ago. I have seen the book years ago, but I don’t know. I just purchased this book about 2-3 weeks ago from Barnes and Noble. In fact, I purchased the trilogy version. I finished the first book within 10-15 days. Now, I am reading the second one. I haven’t really read for a few days now, so the title of the second book I can’t remember. However, I am liking this trilogy a lot! If I wasn’t so exhausted and my headache was less, I’d have read more, done some more crocheting for a watermelon baby blanket I am working on, and writing. Oh well, that’s life!

Hope you have a great rest of your weekend!

*peace&God Bless*
Lisa

**The Rabbit and Its Tail is now available for preorder. It will be available starting July 8, 2016. Please click and visit: The Rabbit and Its Tail link. More information is posted on my blog as well as on Amazon Kindle.**

Available for Preorder!

Hello everyone. How are you?

My new book A Rabbit and Its Tail is available to preorder on Amazon Kindle. The book will be available on July 8th, 2016.

This book is about a rabbit, named Pearl, who learns to accept herself as she is. A friendly competition between her fox and rabbit friends becomes a heated one to her. A beaver finds her after she becomes outraged over the result of her last race. She wishes for a fox’s tail believing it will give her more speed and agility. This beaver tells her how she can make her wish come true.
Once her wish comes true, she becomes more competitive, egging her fox friends for another race. Her friends, after trying for another day, agreed on another race. As soon as the race started, Pearl finds herself breathless. She finds herself hoping and wishing for her tail back.

What do you all think? Thanks for your time. Have a great rest of your Saturday!

*peace&God Bless*
Lisa

**The Rabbit and Its Tail is now available for preorder. It will be available starting July 8, 2016. Please click and visit: The Rabbit and Its Tail link. More information is posted on my blog as well as on Amazon Kindle.**