Poetry: Bound

Baby given up with no name;

Until someone took her in- shelter from the storm;

Once nameless, now framed with a name;

Adopted by a family, last name changed;

Growing up, a feeling she never could ignore;

Secrets kept, she never once implore;

Memories lost she couldn’t restore;

Bound lost, lonely, abandoned, hopeless, dazed, and confused;

A house that felt like no home;

A family disconnected;

Betrayed of lies;

But one remained hidden deep inside;

Within her heart, a longing she couldn’t sway;

A face once without a name, named.

Had a home.

Had a family.

Had a life beyond some.

Yet, deep within,

A child once nameless,

Could never separate her from reality;

Deep within, her heart bound by

Lost, lonely, abandoned, hopeless, dazed, and confused.

Year

Happy New Year all! New year, new you. That’s always what I hear each year. Weight Watchers ads for losing weight is currently running in between shows. I received one in mail a few days before 2016 had ended. I used to join it (2-3 times). Then I realized I am always going to fail at it. Although, I did reach losing ten pounds the last time I joined. That was a major achievement for me!

Yesterday, the last day of 2016, I weighed myself. I don’t usually do that. Judging by the result, I probably shouldn’t have. In 2014, I kept my weight around 150’s. Based on my height to weight ratio that’s not good. At times my weight would spiral upwards and downwards, but I managed to keep it around 150’s; rather than constant gaining.

After two weeks of holiday eating, I weighed myself yesterday to find I gained. I am now 165 pounds. That hit me by surprise because I thought I would be in 150’s. Honestly, I don’t know why I thought that. If I’m 150 and keep eating junk, I should be gaining.

It’s not like I took care of myself. I ate sugary foods, drank coke, digested foods containing heavy nickel. I’m allergic to nickel (metal and food). I am on a low nickel diet as of December 2014. But I keep failing on it.

When I first was told about my nickel food allergy, there were barely any articles. Last year there were a ton more blogs about it. With my body worn out on how I treated it, I have decided I need to make a change this year. I need to stay on my low nickel diet. That’s what I need.

Every new year I write take care of my health or lose weight for my resolutions. This year, it’s not only going to be about losing weight, but really trying to eat a low nickel diet.

I can take Allegra or any other allergy pills when I eat something I’m allergic to. But last year I realized Allegra can only help me if I do my part. If I keep taking Allegra to fight off an allergy I keep putting in me, eventually, Allegra will wave its white flag forfeiting and my allergy symptoms will win the war. 

So this year I have decided to try my best to follow my low nickel diet. It will be a struggle, but knowing there’s more articles on it and others going through the same thing helps. It sheds a light on a better year in maintaining my nickel allergy.

Do you or anyone you know have nickel allergy? What’s yours or their experience? Maybe we can bounce ideas off one another, or help each other. What are some of your New Years resolutions or goals?

Happy new year!

Thanksgiving Day…

Happy belated thanksgiving/turkey day. Happy for us but not for the turkeys day. Mom and I went to a family friend’s house for it. We didn’t celebrate much because Dad passed away this year. Mom didn’t feel like celebrating. But when a family friend invited us over she decided to go.

Mom failed to tell me until last minute that these friends had invited more people over. There, I felt so uncomfortable. My anxiety started kicking in. It didn’t help when someone sat next to me on the couch and another who knew her sat right next to her making this person move closer to me, bumping everytime. Could this be used as an example of Liminal? Googling today’s prompt- “occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.” They were on one side while I nice decorated pillow occupied the tiny space I had left on the edge.

Anyways, I immediately got up and squeezed through the nearest table because I felt like I was losing air and couldn’t breathe. I know that’s rude. But hey, I want my space, especially when I never met you.

The whole time I stood around. My family friend did try and talk to me a little. Mom made new friends mingling. One or two of them did try talking to me.

Then, the time came for separating the older people from the youngest at the tables (basically adults from the kids, but there were no “kids”). They used some as an example. And they brought me up saying I can sit with my mom- since… (a little pause and a bit of a whisper they say) “I don’t know anyone there.” That made me feel even more worse.

Watching everyone chit chatting away, I thought, “Why cant I do that?” Why cant I just start a conversation? Or better yet, keep one going once someone else started it!

That was my Thanksgiving. How was yours?

Lyric: Just Me

A warrior’s heart is beating in my chest.
Don’t care that you ask
The past is already laid to rest.
You can open me up,
But I’ll never tell.

If it’s walk or talk,
I’d rather you walk.
I’m sorry that’s just me.
I’ve been this way
And will never change-
It’s plain to see.

A stubborn lil girl walking on this earth.
Heart of lonely tears,
A mind that erased all those years.
You can say what you want,
But I’ll never tell.

If it’s walk or talk,
I’d rather you walk.
I’m sorry that’s just me.
I’ve been this way
And will never change-
It’s plain to see.

If you don’t like what you’re hearing,
Why stay here believing
That we could be anything.
Hurtful words said and done.
Might as well just go and run.

Go and run…
(Run…)
Go and run…
(Run…)
Go ahead, go ahead
Run, run…
Go ahead, go ahead
Run, run, run.

You might as well-

If it’s walk or talk,
I’d rather you walk.
I’m sorry that’s just me.
I’ve been this way
And will never change-
Yeah, it’s plain to see

That if it’s walk or talk,
I’d rather you walk.
I’m sorry that’s just me
And that’s who I’ll ever be.

Prompt: Subdue

Today, is a rather Subdued kind of day. I can’t shake this feeling I have felt since last September.

No matter what I do, I feel like a failure. Useless. Worthless. No one needs me.

I spend my money because the only place I can roam off to, if not home, is the shopping centers. Squander every dollar, every penny.

Somehow, I have not touched my emergency funds envelope I started this month for a class I’m taking.

An African American lady yelled at me- how I’m blocking the whole damn street- in her own words. She almost hit my car to make me reverse. Stubborn me just honked my horn not moving. Was I right? Was I wrong? Maybe that was a battle I should have walked away from.

But this is why I stayed. I sat there waiting for a parking space for like 5 minutes. I turned the correct way where the arrows show entrance. She just comes from the opposite side and knows I’m there. The lady walking knew I was there.

Yet, this lady in the car decides to ask her if she could have that parking space.

I felt invisible. I felt hurt. Why do people have to be so rude? And then she has the nerve to call me rude for I’m entering the area correctly and waiting patiently for a parking space when she’s coming from the other end and saying I’m blocking the street. I wanted to tell her lady, this is not a street. But I decided not to.

Lancôme Lip Primer

Apparently, this little bullet is the best there is; moisturizing, smoothing, and keeping your lipsticks last longer, especially the dry down mattes.

Pardon the slight pinkish ombré-ness. I had used this before applying my Julep’s Whipped “Kiss Me” and Smashbox’s Always On “Miss Conduct”.

With or without this primer, I like how Julep liquid lipstick feels on my lips. It’s not overly drying at first. I haven’t worn it all day to see the longevity and feel of it, though.

However, this primer underneath Smashbox’s gave my lips a nondrying feel as this dried down to its matte finish.

When I first wore Miss Conduct couple months ago, I was able to have little to no transfer. It was mainly the red shades that had more transfer. This was obviously worn without the primer, since this is my first time trying a primer other than Too Faced one I purchased few years ago.

Today, with the primer, there is a lot of transfer. However, once it’s fully dried down, the transfer may be lessened or none.

I did not test Julep’s for transfer proof. I had forgotten! But I am sure if this primer was worn underneath there would be some transfer like Smashbox’s.

I mentioned I had tried a Too Faced Lip Primer before. That one was my least favorite. It was the first and the last primer I ever used on my lips. I didn’t like it one bit.

Too Faced Primer didn’t come in a bullet packaging; rather, it came in a lengthwise packaging similar to liquid lipsticks and lip gloss kinds.

Opening it up, there is a wand applicator for applying. I didn’t have any problems with the wand. There really wasn’t much wrong other than the texture itself.

Once applying something over that product, my lips didn’t feel good at all. It felt horrible like there was too much on my lips and I just had to remove it immediately.

I was a bit iffy on buying Lancôme’s because of the price $30.50. I did check out the drugstore area. The makeup artist at Ulta said he preferred Lancôme’s over Nyx’s. In the end, I decided on Lancôme and I am very happy with my decision.

Although the price is high, I love the feeling this bulleted lip primer in shade #00 Invisible gives. It goes on clear, yet there’s a bit of shimmer, which you can clearly see on the lipstick itself that there is a shine.

Personally, I love this lipstick. I’m wearing it before bedtime because I feel like it helps my lips feel moisturized and it’s not overwhelming me the amount I applied. I feel like you can’t go wrong with the amount of product applied. I applied over and over and still didn’t feel like too much went on.

Looking on Lancôme’s website, I didn’t realize all their individual lipsticks shades are in this same formula. I am interested in trying some more of their other shades. This one specifically can be used as a clear base before applying any matte lip stains.

I’m sure all the other ones will do the same. But because of their color pigmentation, the clear one will be more go-to as an underneath primer.

Also, something Ulta’s Makeup Artist/Sale’s Rep told me- during the day you can reapply this primer right ontop of the liquid lipstick you are wearing that day without removing it. You don’t need to reapply the liquid lipstick if you are reapplying the base. Reapplying the base will not mess up any part of your liquid lipstick.

Neutrogena Moisturizing Color Stick

Hello everyone! Today, I noticed Neutrogena had newer shades added to their original eight Moisturizing Color Sticks. When did they do that? I am not sure. I know these are not brand new, they may be a year old. But I’m just noticing them.

The first original eight shades were more sheer and shimmer finishes. That is why at first, they weren’t my go-to or my favorite. CVS store I went to, these sticks had “new” sticker on them, which is why I thought they were new. Even Neutrogena website mentions the “new” on the packaging still.

Neutrogena describes their product as a balm-like formula that is easily glidable. They provide a sheer wash of moisturizing color that last for hours. It instantly moisturizes lips, while conditioning them continuously, leaving lips softer, smoother, and moisturized in just three days with nothing on them.

These sticks are made with fruit extracts, mango, and shea butter. Packaging has a twist up allowing for perfect application everytime. No sharpener needed! They are dermatologist tested and comes now in 16 shades including the eight original, sheer and shimmering colors (10-80). These second half of the 16 shades (90-180) are more bold with a creamy finish. Neutrogena website says to apply these sticks frequently to keep lips soft, smooth, and moisturized. Therefore, these are not long-lasting and they do not claim it to be.

I purchased #130 Wine Berry and #150 Cherry Pink. Youtuber, emilynoel83 describes Wine Berry as more reddish. When first applying, I applied too much of Wine Berry. Applying too much made me feel a build-up around the inside that may eventually leave white/pinkish bleeding. I was worried it might look disgusting later. So you may want to be careful when applying. Too much application felt like a lip gloss texture.

The second shade, Cherry Pink, I applied better. When trying on this shade, I held the stick towards the end to glide it on lightly. I loved the look and feel of it. It didn’t have that gloss texture where eventually the insides will bleed and those white/pinkish stuff looks and feels like wax to me. People think I’m crazy when I say that; so, if you can describe it any better, please let me know.

After removing Wine Berry to try Cherry Pink, I noticed my lips looked beautiful as if the color was still there; yet, the color did not leave a stain. My lips still felt moisturized as well. I haven’t removed Cherry Pink.

I am in love with these two shades and would like to buy some more eventually. I want to use these for the next three days to see whether or not they live up to Neutrogena’s claim- lips will be softer, smoother, and moisturized in just three days with nothing on them. However, if it is something needing reapplied often, I cannot fathom using it during work because I cannot stop watching kids to worry about my lips.

I will be trying this tomorrow to get a feel for this and see whether it’s worth trying for three days and how my lips will look if I do not reapply until after five hours of wear. I am rather picky about my lips these days because of the dark areas that show. The dark areas are not as bad as they used to be, but still there’s some areas of it.

Below are the lip swatches and the wear of #150 after wearing for couple minutes.

Cherry Pink:

After one hour wearing Cherry Pink, see below.

Wine Berry:

Below: When Wine Berry was removed.


Have any of you tried these? What did you think of it?