Why do I start the things I know I will never finish?
Why do I apply for something I know I haven’t got the heart for? Something I tried two times before and failed.
So, I signed up for selling Avon. Many of you don’t know I have signed up twice in the past. That’s why I don’t want to tell my family and friends. I don’t want to mention it to other coworkers I used to work with either. I can’t tell anyone at the school I work now because they say no personal work allowed. We signed off on it.
So, I’m stuck. My mind is thinking just fill the campaign brochures and “accidentally leave them around where you go”. Maybe someone will look at it, maybe not. Maybe it’ll be thrown away. Maybe it’ll be popped into a bag who’s owner will take it home and browse through it. Maybe someone would call. All these maybes and nothing to motivate me or scream at me, “Do it. Dooo iiiittttt.” I don’t remember where that line was from but I know I have heard it before somewhere. Was it Hannah Montana? I think it was Lily saying it to Miley. But I can’t figure out the episode. Flashback to that show.
Not only am I talking about Avon, but also my crocheting projects. I tried making flowers wanting to connect them. Nope, that quickly went down the drain. I also told myself I want to sell blankets on eBay. Im not making many to sell on it. It’s just a goal that’s staring me down, but when I reach out for it, I get distracted, tired and sleepy, or too lazy to do anything for the goal.
Just like yesterday I brought a book downstairs to read. I knew I was exhausted but I still told myself I’ll read anyways. Took the book downstairs and never even opened a page.
Same goes for writing. I used to write a lot. Everyday, any day. Now, I have no desire in me for daily writing. I lost that part of me. When that part comes back it’s only for a minute. Once a week or so I get inspirations. But my creativeness I feel has fallen apart. And that’s what makes me me.
I haven’t been keeping up with My Trending Stories. Mainly because I can’t type post through phone. I need a laptop and I barely use my laptop because I don’t carry it wherever I go. Same for tablet of the site works on there.
On the positive side, I haven’t given up on this blog site. I only have been posting once or twice a week. Sometimes, short daily post. But at least that’s something.
I have two ideas I wanted to write. Wanted to write on MTS site, but forgot I can’t with phone. Might try and write them down today.